This is a guest post by Broody McHottiepants, aka @broodingYAhero on twitter.
So. Summer’s half over, right? And you’re stressing because you’re not sure if you’re a main character? Don’t worry. I’m here for you. (Literately. I’m always around when you need me. Except in Chapter 23. I had to skip that one.)
Anyways, here’s a list of the top seven ways you can achieve main character status before school starts up again. Not in school because your dystopian society has forced to you duel love interests to the death instead? Or maybe you’re an immortal assassin who’s too busy uncovering conspiracies about love interests to go to school? That’s okay, these tips still can help.
BROODY’S 7 TIPS TO BECOME A MAIN CHARACTER BY THE END OF SUMMER
1. Move. To England. Or a remote small town in America. Or Canada. Or New York City. Or out of your room. Preferably somewhere you won’t have to waste time learning a new language. That gives you more time to reinvent yourself.
2. Get a hobby. The quirkier the better. Goat racing! Plastic bag knitting! Celery painting! This unique skill will certainly lead you towards other quirky characters, and a plot will form around you.
3. Get a destiny/curse/prophecy. These are a little harder to find nowadays, but a good destiny bestowed upon you by a well-meaning magical old lady (or a ominous prophecy from a vengeful Greek god) will grant you main character status every time.
4. Find a place to volunteer. This will let you learn an important lesson about that one character flaw you seem to have, and you’ll emerge at the end of the summer a better person. Also has a high chance of granting you a love interest, should you desire one.
5. Find a magical portal. Check in decrepit buildings, all mirrors, behind ornately carved bookshelves. Inspect all old jewelry, from stuff acquired at a garage sale all the way up to family heirlooms. Maybe do some dusting in the process. You’ll stumble into a gateway to a magical land before long.
6. Roadtrip! Need I say more?
7. Fall in love. This is a risky one. Summer romances don’t always grant you permanent main character status. Better to cross paths with a mysterious stranger, who will just happen to be enrolling in your school that fall. Proceed with caution, least you stumble into a Grease remake.
Alright then. You’ve got the advice. Now, excuse me, I have an old car I have to go work on, while blasting classic rock, and brooding about how no one will ever understand me. Very time consuming. Best of luck. You’ll find me in the halls of school this fall, ignoring you and skipping class.
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